What are common reactions after experiencing sexual violence?

After experiencing sexual violence, you may notice changes in the way you feel about yourself, your body, and your perception of safety. Everyone's experience is different, and there are no right or wrong ways to feel.

Some common reactions include:

  • Feelings of shame, humiliation, and guilt

  • Grief

  • Mood swings and anger

  • Difficulty concentrating or a lack of motivation

  • Feeling powerless

  • Feelings of fear, feeling unsafe, difficulty trusting others

  • Physical changes (e.g. eating and sleeping problems, anxiety, headaches)

  • Feeling detached from your body

  • Thoughts of harming yourself

Self-blame is a common reaction after sexual violence. You may find yourself thinking about “what could I have done to prevent this from happening?” It is important to remember that no matter the circumstances, what happened is not your fault. Anyone can be assaulted or harassed, and nobody ever deserves or invites sexual violence.

What are grounding techniques?

Grounding techniques are simple strategies to direct your focus to the sensations in your body or your surroundings in the present moment. This can be helpful if you are feeling overwhelmed by distressing thoughts or feelings, or if you feel disconnected or numb. Grounding techniques can be used when you are having a panic attack, flashback, unwanted memory, or dissociation. Even though grounding does not solve the problem that is causing you distress, it can help you gain control of your thoughts and feelings and prevent things from getting worse.

Grounding techniques are often simple but take practice to be most effective.

There are many different grounding techniques. Find what works best for you. Here are a few exercises you can try.

5,4,3,2,1 Exercise

Bring your awareness to the present by engaging your 5 senses. Look around and name:

  • 5 objects you can see

  • 4 different sounds you can hear

  • 3 textures you can feel

  • 2 scents you can smell

  • 1 thing you can taste

Box breathing

Breathing exercises can help relax the body and the mind and bring a sense of calm. Box breathing (also called Square breathing) involves counting to steady and even out the breath.

  • Inhale slowly for 4 counts

  • Hold your breath for 4 counts

  • Exhale slowly for 4 counts

  • Hold your breath for 4 counts

  • Repeat this process a few times, paying attention to your breath.

Use a phrase to anchor yourself in the present moment

Say out loud or silently to yourself.

For example, “I'm Full Name. I'm X years old. Today is Monday, April 6. It's 9:23 in the morning. I am sitting at my desk.” Continue adding details to bring your attention to your current surroundings.

You can also try this with soothing phrases such as

  • “I am safe right now.”

  • “I am going through a hard time, but I will get through this.”

What is a Self-Care Plan?

A self-care plan is a plan to attend to your physical and emotional needs and to help you cope during difficult times, such as after experiencing sexual violence.

Self-care is individual and everyone's self-care looks different. What works for you may not work for someone else, and vice versa.

What follows is not meant to be a comprehensive guide to self-care, but some questions to help you get started thinking about how you look after yourself physically and emotionally.

Physical self-care involves activities that improve or maintain your physical health and support your overall wellbeing.

  • Are you getting enough rest? Do you have a routine or sleep pattern that makes you feel more rested?

  • What types of movement do you enjoy? Are there activities that make you feel more energized?

  • Are you eating foods that make you feel nourished, satisfied, and energized? Are you drinking fluids to stay hydrated?

  • Do you seek medical care when needed?

Emotional self-care involves being connected to your emotions and learning ways to cope when those emotions feel overwhelming or distressing. It also involves cultivating healthy relationships and feeling good about yourself. This may include:

  • Taking time for yourself

  • Spending time with people you feel supported by

  • Allowing yourself to acknowledge and accept uncomfortable or painful emotions when they arise

  • Spiritual practices such as meditation, self-reflection, or prayer

  • Enjoying activities that are fun and rewarding to you

Part of taking care of yourself involves knowing when you need to reach out for help. There are people on your campus and in your community who are available to support you.

How can I help a friend who has experienced sexual violence?

Listen and believe them

Give them space to talk about their experience in their own way, in their own time. They may not want to talk about it with you at all, and that is okay too. Respect their decision.

Offer support

Here are some things you can say to a friend who has experienced sexual assault:

  • It's not your fault.

  • I'm sorry this happened.

  • I believe you.

  • How can I help you?

  • I am glad you told me.

  • I'll support your choices.

  • You're not alone.

Encourage them to get medical attention

It is important to get medical attention after a sexual assault.

Connect them to resources or advocates

Become familiar with resources on your campus or in your community that you can suggest to your friend – but only if they are interested. You can ask your friend if they want to know about resources, and if not, don't offer them. Remember to respect your friend's choices.

Acknowledge your limits and take care of yourself

Even with the best of intentions, recognize that you can only do so much. You can be a support to your friend, and still encourage them to seek other supports as well. Also pay attention to the way supporting your friend is impacting your wellbeing. Take good care of yourself. Know that you can reach out for support for yourself as well. Many sexual assault crisis centres or crisis lines will provide support for secondary survivors (people impacted by the sexual assault of someone close to them).

Avoid

  • Asking questions that may feel blaming, such as questions that start with why did you or why didn't you or pressing for details about the assault.

  • Telling your friend what to do. Instead, help them explore their options and allow them to have control over their choices.

  • Touching or hugging them unless you check first that they are comfortable with physical contact.

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